The holidays can be bittersweet. For some people it’s a time of laughter, fellowship and reflection on the past year. For other people it’s a bit more complicated, especially if you haven’t found the one. You know, you go to all the family/friend parties and you show up by yourself, and then it gets worse when you see the mistletoe hanging from the ceiling and you’re reminded of your singleness. No? Just me? Got it. Moving on. The thing is… God might be molding you in this season of barrenness without you even realizing it.
I probably shouldn’t be admitting this because wow, embarrassing, but last year on New Year’s Eve, the ball dropped at midnight and I just remember bawling to my mom. I was going through a break up and I felt so alone, even though I was ringing in the New Year with my family. I wasn’t able to appreciate the beauty of an entire new year and all the possibilities I could make of that because I was so consumed by this void I felt. I vowed from that moment on that I wouldn’t let my singleness negatively affect my life experiences.
I get it. Being alone during the holiday season is a bit of a bummer (clearly… after what I just admitted). We were made for companionship and we’re reminded of that with every ad you see during this time of year. Whether it’s a jewelry company showing a couple with their new engagement ring (also, future husband, if you’re reading this, please do not propose to me on a major holiday or on my birthday. Thanks in advance.), buying presents for your significant other, or the videos of someone kissing their partner when the ball drops in Times Square, etc. But being single doesn’t have to be a drag. I’ve realized that being single during this time gives you the opportunity to really reflect on the year that’s coming to a close. Did you accomplish any of those goals you set at the end of 2016? Did you overcome any fears? Did you make a huge breakthrough in your career? Did you finish school? Did you fall in love and change someone for the better in the process?
This year I’m finally understanding what it means to wait on God, especially when it comes to dating. We’re so quick to try to grab hold of the reins and handle the situation ourselves, and then we end up confused, wondering why it didn’t work out. We’re so scared of it slipping away that we grip it too tightly and leave Him with no breathing room to enter the environment. As humans who don’t fully understand God and His plans for us, we assume He isn’t working because we don’t see movement. And the truth is that maybe you don’t see movement in that area of your life because you’re not supposed to right now. Maybe God isn’t giving you a relationship because you think that true happiness comes from them rather than Him. Maybe you’re supposed to be so focused on becoming the person that you’d like to end up with that you stop actively searching for them.
Seasons of loneliness can be God’s way of speaking something in your heart that you need complete silence to hear. Life is noisy. Heartbreak is loud. Opinions are deafening. Sometimes being alone is exactly what’s needed to be able to realign your priorities. Are you more focused on a person than you are on Jesus? I’ve been there. It’s a huge slap in the face when you realize you’ve removed God from His throne and replaced Him with someone that should be sitting beside you, if that. I don’t want to make this post about creating idols, though. This is supposed to be about embracing your season of singleness. Chances are, if God is preparing you to make some serious movement for Him and His kingdom, He’ll probably have you walk through a season of solitude beforehand. This is the season where you finally learn to find your confidence in Him and Him alone. Not in another person, not in fleeting emotions, but on a steadfast promise. It’s easier said than done, but I wish we would take Him at His word when He tells us we’re cared for and that He has it under control.
Even though God has my love life all sorted out, I’m still diligent in prayer. I pray for my future spouse all the time. I’m so specific about the person I want to do life with. The type of heart I want them to have. For them to have the ability to handle me when I’ve hit my lowest. But if God’s not moving right now, neither am I. I’m not worried about the trees not having leaves in the wintertime. They always regrow when their season comes. Your time for a relationship might not be now, and that’s okay. You’re just as useful as you would be if you were with someone. Remember, God wastes nothing.
Happy Holidays! xx
Val
