Matte Remarks

The Joy in Singleness

The holidays can be bittersweet. For some people it’s a time of laughter, fellowship and reflection on the past year. For other people it’s a bit more complicated, especially if you haven’t found the one. You know, you go to all the family/friend parties and you show up by yourself, and then it gets worse when you see the mistletoe hanging from the ceiling and you’re reminded of your singleness. No? Just me? Got it. Moving on. The thing is… God might be molding you in this season of barrenness without you even realizing it.

I probably shouldn’t be admitting this because wow, embarrassing, but last year on New Year’s Eve, the ball dropped at midnight and I just remember bawling to my mom. I was going through a break up and I felt so alone, even though I was ringing in the New Year with my family. I wasn’t able to appreciate the beauty of an entire new year and all the possibilities I could make of that because I was so consumed by this void I felt. I vowed from that moment on that I wouldn’t let my singleness negatively affect my life experiences.

I get it. Being alone during the holiday season is a bit of a bummer (clearly… after what I just admitted). We were made for companionship and we’re reminded of that with every ad you see during this time of year. Whether it’s a jewelry company showing a couple with their new engagement ring (also, future husband, if you’re reading this, please do not propose to me on a major holiday or on my birthday. Thanks in advance.), buying presents for your significant other, or the videos of someone kissing their partner when the ball drops in Times Square, etc. But being single doesn’t have to be a drag. I’ve realized that being single during this time gives you the opportunity to really reflect on the year that’s coming to a close. Did you accomplish any of those goals you set at the end of 2016? Did you overcome any fears? Did you make a huge breakthrough in your career? Did you finish school? Did you fall in love and change someone for the better in the process?

This year I’m finally understanding what it means to wait on God, especially when it comes to dating. We’re so quick to try to grab hold of the reins and handle the situation ourselves, and then we end up confused, wondering why it didn’t work out. We’re so scared of it slipping away that we grip it too tightly and leave Him with no breathing room to enter the environment. As humans who don’t fully understand God and His plans for us, we assume He isn’t working because we don’t see movement. And the truth is that maybe you don’t see movement in that area of your life because you’re not supposed to right now. Maybe God isn’t giving you a relationship because you think that true happiness comes from them rather than Him. Maybe you’re supposed to be so focused on becoming the person that you’d like to end up with that you stop actively searching for them.

Seasons of loneliness can be God’s way of speaking something in your heart that you need complete silence to hear. Life is noisy. Heartbreak is loud. Opinions are deafening. Sometimes being alone is exactly what’s needed to be able to realign your priorities. Are you more focused on a person than you are on Jesus? I’ve been there. It’s a huge slap in the face when you realize you’ve removed God from His throne and replaced Him with someone that should be sitting beside you, if that. I don’t want to make this post about creating idols, though. This is supposed to be about embracing your season of singleness. Chances are, if God is preparing you to make some serious movement for Him and His kingdom, He’ll probably have you walk through a season of solitude beforehand. This is the season where you finally learn to find your confidence in Him and Him alone. Not in another person, not in fleeting emotions, but on a steadfast promise. It’s easier said than done, but I wish we would take Him at His word when He tells us we’re cared for and that He has it under control.

Even though God has my love life all sorted out, I’m still diligent in prayer. I pray for my future spouse all the time. I’m so specific about the person I want to do life with. The type of heart I want them to have. For them to have the ability to handle me when I’ve hit my lowest. But if God’s not moving right now, neither am I. I’m not worried about the trees not having leaves in the wintertime. They always regrow when their season comes. Your time for a relationship might not be now, and that’s okay. You’re just as useful as you would be if you were with someone. Remember, God wastes nothing.

 

Happy Holidays! xx

Val

 

The Importance of Empathy in 2017

I’m an empath. I pick up on energy and can actually feel what someone else is feeling, especially in times of stress or brokenness. But ever since I can remember I’ve used the infamous saying, “it’s a gift and a curse” when someone’s asked me how I feel about having this trait. As of lately I’ve decided it is 100% a gift.

I consider myself pretty normal except for the fact that I’m hypersensitive to my surroundings. I feel deeply – whether happy or sad. I laugh effortlessly. I cry easily. Seriously. Do you know how many times people have asked me if I’m okay because they see me crying at work and it’s just because I’m listening to the Inception film score? Too many to count. Do you know how many times I’ve been told by an ex boyfriend to stop crying? It should have been one had I decided to break up with him on the spot as I rightfully should have done, but I digress.

See, the thing is… I think having a heart like mine in 2017 is vital. Notice my word choice here. The word vital literally means “necessary to the existence, continuance, or well-being of something“.  There have been studies that show that over the last twenty years we actually care considerably less about other people. This has a lot to do with the information overload we receive on a daily basis because of technology as a whole, but that’s another blog post for another day. I’m bringing this up to serve as proof that the world needs change. It needs compassion. Without softhearted people, society will only become more cruel and desensitized.

It’s really interesting getting advice from friends on specific topics because I’ve noticed that they never seem to be as forgiving as me. I thought I was crazy for a really long time because of that. Am I too soft? Why am I so quick to forgive? Why do I give second chances so easily when the world is yelling at me through an LED screen telling me to toughen up and cut people out of my life? Every time I scroll down my timeline I’m reminded how normal jealousy, envy and quick tempers are becoming. Memes have kind of taken over. There’s no need to fix my destructive behavior if thousands of people agree and think it’s funny, right?

And then I remember Jesus. I like to believe that He was an empath when He walked this earth. In the book of John, Jesus comforts Mary when her brother had died. When He saw her crying, He wept. Jesus, the man who made the blind see & healed the lame chose to cry alongside a mourning sister despite Him knowing the miracle He would perform. He was near to the brokenhearted. He understood their grievances.

Living in a place like New York City can be rough for an empath. My heart breaks every single time I pass someone in need that I’m not able to help. I remember two years ago specifically praying that God would break my heart for what broke His, and I’m finally understanding that through this answered prayer, I was called to move to this city. Although this journey has only just begun, I’m continuously praying that I remain soft. That this city does not make me hard.

My hope in you reading this post is that you would gain one of two things from it:

If you identify with anything I’ve written above and you find yourself as an empath feeling crushed by the horrors of this world, I pray you realize that God gave you this heart for a reason, and He will shape the back that bears the burden placed upon it. Go out and do the world good by showing kindness – it will always be worth it regardless of you seeing the fruits of your labor. Forgive others. (Seventy times seven, remember?)

If you don’t identify with anything I’ve written above and you can’t seem to understand what it’s like feeling anything I’ve described, I pray you find the ability to be patient with the ones in your life that do. Please do not ask us to “man up” or to stop crying. Our gift is vital. I hope one day you’ll find the beauty in that.

The New OCD

Hey you. How’s it going? It’s been a while since I’ve written anything on my site. Please forgive me.

I wanted to just sit & write about something that’s been weighing heavy on me. I hope I’m able to get my point across eloquently.

So, as many of you probably know, I have a YouTube channel. Not a huge one, but I’m able to interact with lovely people all around the world. About a week ago I got a comment from a subscriber that kind of… well… shook me up. The subscriber said that based off of my Instagram feed, she would love to have my lifestyle and be me. Be. Me. I immediately teared up while reading that… and not because I felt great. This person has no idea that in 72 hours I have my routine appointment with my therapist. This person has no idea that I deal with depression and anxiety to the point where there are days I can’t leave my bed because I physically cannot muster up the energy to do so (Thank God this has gotten loads better). This person does not want to be me.

With that being said, let’s discuss my title choice. “The New OCD”.

Obsessive Comparison Disorder.

Yes, absolutely made up and a play on words. But this is quite literally what I feel is happening to so many of us. Why have we become so obsessed with other people? Their lives? Their appearance? Why are we constantly comparing ourselves to other people? Why do we feel inadequate? Why aren’t we captivating?

[Read more…]

Life Update.

Hey, guys! It’s been a while since I’ve posted on my site – it’s been crazy!

I just recently left the company that I worked at for the past four years so that I’d be able to dedicate more time to school and focus a lot more on the social media side of things, since that’s what I’m going to be pursuing. With that being said, I’ll be posting a lot more frequently on my YouTube and on my website so stay tuned for new content.

 

 

Best,

Val

@VALDOKIC